Start anew; respark.

WHOOT!

2009-11-13T10:25:00.002+08:00

Jan 2007 - AISS. I've got my all time favorite little devils (still is my alltime favorite) - Weiwin, Cheryl, Sandi, Feon and of course Eileen. As I saw time and again, they never fail to surprise me and one of the reasons why I can still smile even after a long day at work.

The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book.

Agreeeedd.
Wheeeeeeeeeeee whoa!
Okay byeeeeee!

^^

3/5 over, holidays' mood alr?

2009-11-05T02:01:00.003+08:00

-

Hmm, couldn't blog for this period of time,
exam's not over yet, so I can't say how it really went.
Bad thing was from the stat till now I didn't get th 'panicky' feel most people got,
and that worries me.
Worried, I mean.
Now that it's.. 3/5 over, the feeling is pretty much towards the holidays already.
(:

-

Can't sleep,

2009-10-21T02:21:00.003+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

AI PEOPLE, I'm sure you know who this guy is...
I'm not insulting him, really.
Cause.. if he can stand out like that, facing the media,
showing that he's not afraid and he's confident of his body.
Then...everyone should learn..

..

Hmm.
Okay, on second thought nevermind.
I just respect his confidence..that's all.
LOL.

I looked at this and thought,
"Feon, you really really need to get a haircut."
LOL.

HAHAHAHA I found this at 3e3's blog!!
I took this photo one okay!
He's Mr Lim Chee Mun, my ex Social Studies teacher.
He chased me around the class because of this photo okay.
I think he really doesn't like having his picture taken unknowingly..
LOLOLOLOL.
BUT STILL, I GOT IT!!

Oh, lappy collapsed a couple of days ago and I was trying to restart the lappy.
It restarted but it turned out like this and hanged at this spot.
Every single time.
But luckily I had "Guide to troubleshooting"
And I reformatted my lappy, but there goes the pictures + music inside.
Aye.

Heeee I got fed up at not able to fix the lappy at first.
So I tried dismantling the base of the lappy.
It didn't help, of course.

I noticed I have itchy fingers for dismantling stuffs.
LOL.

--

(Above)
Some random photos that I haven't post about.

---

Oh my, I couldn't sleep, so I went bloghopping through quite a few people's past blogs.
Read through mine too.

I have 2 past blog.
One goes wayyyyy back, with ALOT of sec2 photos.
I'm sure FKKKKG remembers how everyone looks like then... right?
LOL.

You want the link I can give!
LOL.

The other one was after the first one I think.
I stopped it around March this year, and created this blog?

http://www.thisisso-over.blogspot.com/

HAHAHAHA funny link.
I changed to this link because that blog is well, dead.
So it seems relevant too hehehehe.

Okay I'll try..get some sleep now.

Oyasuminasai, Ki o tsukete. :D
Yoi yume o

Jabs suck

2009-10-20T22:26:00.004+08:00

But still,
no matter how much 'pain' I exaggerate it to be,

it's just a jab.

It actually won't hurt, right?

--

Before getting the jab,
I was waiting outside the clinic, cause no seats inside.
Kept playing around with my phone, listening to songs.
Idk why I got very tensed up, but I don't want to not take the jab.
It's a sooner/later thing, nono, a compulsory thing,
so.. I still must take it either way.

I kept backspacing, typing, backspacing, typing, backspacing, typing,
and finally, I decided not.

Although I was feeling ...
all I could think of, all I wanted to do was to..

Alahlalalah.
Nvm.

If I did do what I wanted so much to,
I guess the ending will be expected.

I can't expect anything more,
if I do, it just pulls me back to square1.

(:

Learn to grow up Feon.
No more fairytales, no more stories.
Slap yourself, wake up. ^^
Be a woman!
Come on, you can do it :D

Regret.

2009-10-20T15:19:00.001+08:00

T.T
I feel so bad.

):
I really am.

I'm sorry, I will not do it again.
I'm sorry, I will not do it again.
I really really am.

--

Realized I'm sorry for alot of things.
Some things especially.

Saw things which I shouldn't, knew things I shouldn't.
All results of nosy-ness.

-.-

Alah, I will never never never do it again.

):

--

Kambateh, you.

HELP!

2009-10-20T08:08:00.002+08:00

OMG.
I just watched Zao An Ni Hao.
They were talking about a sum in PSLE, maths, so I decided to write it down and solve too.
They said it was difficult, but I saw modals so I thought it wasn't that hard.

..

..

I have nothing to say, I'll write it here, try it out okay? ^^

Jim bought some chocolates and gave 1/2 of it to Ken.
Ken bought some sweets and gave 1/2 of it to Jim.
Jim ate 12 sweets and Ken ate 18 chocolates.
The ratio of Jim's sweets to chocolates became 1:7.
The ratio of Ken's chocolate to sweet become 1:4
How many sweets did Ken bought?

Answer: 68

love?..

2009-10-17T21:50:00.002+08:00

There goes a saying,
(words in brackets are my words LOL)

"

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
(It is humble?)
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
(It is generous?)
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
(Evil=lies/abuse/failed r/s ?)
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

"

But..
people do.

Stay strong.

(:

Pull through,

2009-10-17T18:32:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry for thigs that happened, are happening, and will be happening for you.
Most people know it's gonna be hard, for you it's that x9999.
You're really strong, physically and mentally.
Be strong!
:D

I know you'll pull through, somehow.

Maybe things happened becaue it was meant to be.
Maybe, it happened for the best.
(:

Goodluck.

waiting,

2009-10-15T01:42:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry, really need to focus now.

I know you can understand why I'm like this.

w/o me, I think it doesn't matter much, right.
it's just one more/one less, to you, right?

I used to think alot of fantastic things, I used to dream.
No more now,

I'm putting everything on hold.

But still, I'm looking forward to that day ^^
I wonder..

Tiny as my pinky,

2009-10-15T01:21:00.002+08:00

Bloghopping does help you, in some way.
^^

Come on' people!!
Last lap, we gotta run for it!
Okay, maybe not really run, cause most of us are.. lazy,
but still, jog jog jog!

We've done it in many other challenges, what is this to us!
The only thing is that we have no more time left!!!

Eileen, Sandi, Weiwen, Cheryl!
(Alamak I think I list around 10 more, but then I have to continue with the namelist, so.. jsut these 4 would be fine ^^)

We all did chiong for something before, right?
Remember how that feels?

I remember mine very well, I remembered how I really can push away everything except to just sit down and study.

Eileen! You're the most consistent in showing good results!
Don't be down now!
You know what you're striving for, right?
Everything you want matters, okay!
Nothing more is more important than you, alright!
Hope you find You back sooooon!

Weiwen!
ALAMAK you ah, we skipped srp today, hehee.
But got reasons right!
We weren't informed that it was pushed forward, so ~~
^^
Anyway, you must study hard know!
You remember last year's EOY?
How well you did?
This time you must do better!
You are THIS CLOSE to seal the NYP deal know!!
Don't slack now kay?
I believe you can do it! :D

Cheryl!
HELLO MY PONG!
(Sound like car crash, pong!!!!!! LOL)
Teehee, I know you can study one okay!
You study = you know already.
But almost 80% of the time you're trying to study, you're lazy.
So.. you know lah! :D
Kambateh!!
Strive as hard as how you did for art!
I'm very happy for you cause you really put in alot alot of effort for something that you want to score well in, and surely you want 'O's to be better!

Last but definitely not the least!
Sandi!!
^^ You know I know you know de lah!
No need I psycho, I'm sure you can find that motivation!
Be careful of childishfk ah, must not be distracted!
But rmb, don't stress too much okay?
Just like how you held on to art,
never, never, never give up.
Your works will show results!
But it depends on how much concentration you put in, okay?
Kambateh!
Win the ... ^^ hor!
LOL

Everyone, have strength!
We tend to lose it once in a while, but somehow we always try to gain it back.
And most of the time we found it.
Remember the source of the strength!

I'm trying too, but everyone work tgt kay!
In some way we try to help each other, okay?

Although I'm always staying at home, you all know why de lah :X
But if you guys need help, tell me the day before!!
My papa's always at home, very hard to go out.
So I must plan first! LOL okokay.

Don't lose focus now, people!

Be here now, everything else can wait,

Lappy don't die,

2009-10-13T17:23:00.001+08:00

LAPPY DOWN T.T

Can't use lappy anymore..

Hmm.
Maybe this is a sign?
LOL.

Gotta stop using lappy?

But most of the time I use leave it on to liten to music.
Don't really use it to surf or msn much anymore..

Dang.
Alahh, if need go repair I die sia.
I haven't create backup disc or anything.
):

Don't die T.T

Fringe,

2009-10-11T23:58:00.002+08:00

Oooo!

I love him man!

He's the guy starring in the season show, Fringe.

And he starred in the ENGLISH version of SHUTTERS!!

LOL.

I thought the guy(him) looked familiar, but I remembered Shutters being a thail movie, but it turns out to be a english version!

Eeee, and the part where I watched the show is the ending where he took his polaraid snaps the last photo and he saw what's on top of him..

creepy.

But still, his acting bery (Y)

And he's very shuai!

take note maplers!

2009-10-11T23:35:00.003+08:00

Maplers!
If you need, read this!
:D

Aquilla-Eridanus

Buy 1B Free 1B!
$200

Fornax -Hercules

Buy 1B Free 300m!
$200

Sms 96643314!!

Some conver,

2009-10-11T14:05:00.003+08:00

Nephew: "Feon 姐姐, *pointing at pebbles' ni**ples*, 她的奶,只有她的baby可以喝啊? "

Me: " *nods*, 不然 ley! "

Him: " Then 我可以弄她的奶出来吗?"

..

I went like, WTF?!?! LOLOLOLOL.

It continued..

Me: " 不可以啦!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Him: "Orhh, 因为我以为可以挤她的奶出来ma"

Me: *stun*

..

WTF!?!?

PRIMARY 2 SIA.
WALAO.
WTH.
LOLOL.

I just remembered this conversation I had yesterday with my nephew.
Aizai right.

When I'm bored,

2009-10-11T02:50:00.004+08:00

I tend to crap alot.
Thus, will blog much during that duration.

& now's that time of period.
LOL.

A moment's insight is sometimes worth a lifetime's experience.
- Oliver Wendall Holmes

Agreeable.

--

*mind goes blank*

shit.

LOL.

--

Whenever I'm out, I tend to let my mind wander, alot.
Then I'll make a note to blog them down somewhere.
Then I come home, & I forgot.

--

Alalalah, take care of yourself!!
LOL I know you think I'm talking about you but it's not you it's the other you who you know is who but you don't know it's referring to you or not so it's you.

LOLOLOL.

Tell you I'm seriously very bored.

--

Is T.A.T.U really les* duo?
O.O

"I started blurring the lines"
"Because I didn't care"
"I started crossing the line"
"Cause you were never there"
"No where to turn,"
"No one to help,"
"It's almost like I don't even know myself"
"Now I have to choose"
"I don't know what to do"
"He loves me, He loves me not"
"She loves me, She loves me not"
"He loves me, He loves me not"
"She loves me, she loves me"

aizai.

--

Mayb I should change the timing of this post, because I was urm, "ordered" by SOME people to sleep early.
LOL.

Ahh who cares about my sleeping time.

--

I want to learn how to play More Than Words.
I love the sound of guitar, I love people who plays them.
I will get my own guitar!!
ONE DAY.
LOL.

--

I can sense, it's getting leser and lesser.
I..know it's the before-exam-feeling kickin' in, and I'm..kinda glad.
I need that kind of focus now.

One said it may be real; that it's getting lesser.
I don't know.

Everything's gonna be found out in some way or other, but always at a later time, not now.
Dang.

--

You don't really ..
nevermind.

Although I don’t talk about you anymore,
You’re still growing inside my heart.
There’s nothing that hasn’t changed.
And the seasons pass, without you in my life

everything just sucked.

--

Nonononono girl, smile!
:D

Remember what you said to other people, use that for yourself first!
You know you'll get through this, you know that, right?
Slowly, slowly, try to find something that helps.
doesn't waste time with you anymore.
STOP DREAMING.

--

(warning: I became more and more dreamy and wandered off thinking about past stuffs.)
(you can skip this part, but I think only one with less patience to read long psot would skip.)

Remember the post where I talk about me being very very, very contradicting?
"Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no"
I think it's gotta do with my belives and trust and something else?
Lolol.

I strongly believe that how we feel is always link to the past and the reasons as to why.
It can be correcting the past wrongs, it can be trying to improve, but it can be just something new too.

I used to trust alot of things, I used to believe in many things, even superstitious ones, and I used to hope for alot of good stuffs.
Maybe growing up teaches you how to limit yourself, huh?
I lost alot of that on the way, now I'm just trying to fit myself in one of any catagories.

I think I fit into the "unfitting" group.

I've also did alot of wrong things in the past, made alot of bad decisions.
I've done them all, and most of the time I've chose to try to avoid the consequences, as much as possible.

You can pretty much guess the outcomes.

(note: reason I'm posting this..because..idk either. pls, no judging ah teehee.)

Because of those wrong actions, I'm used to people not putting in trust into me.
I'm used to people saying that they don't trust me anymore.

I know it's wrong, but..
I don't know.
I have no good reason to say why I did this/that.
& I can't deny I didn't do it.

Yea, so now I'm pretty neutral to alot of situation like this.
I tend to shun away.

I just want people to be, th very least, happy, when they're around me.
I guess seeing them happy makes me feel happy too.
Makes me, less guilty of what I've done before?

I know it's wrong to get used to something like this,
but I grew up in my secondary years thinking in that kind of way.

I didn't know how to fight for what I want,
I didn't know what to fight for either.

You can say I'm a survivor; I just keep surviving w/o rly living.
To keep surviving... and believing...

Now that I got all that figured out due to my over-curiousity,
I'm trying to find a way out.
A cure to that.

I used to have one.. then I guess it's not really working out.
I'm trying to find another one, but everything takes time!

One said I was wrong because sometimes when one says this, he/she hoped for you to do the opposite, to prove something.

I'm really really really am, sorry.

I didn't mean to make the wrong decision; I just follwed what I always did.
I guess you can blame me for that.

But still, because of everything,
I know who are my true friends.
Those who stick by me, sometimes even when they don't really believe in me.
But I really want to thank them, all of them, all 4 of them.
I've had problems with all 4 of them, during these 4 years, but still,
everyone tolerated with me, gave me advices, forgave me, pulled me when I've fallen.
I really really, really must thank them to my utmost.
):

It's really hard to try to express how I feel by only saying these words out.
I don't think it shows even 1/10 of the appreciation that I feel in my heart.

--

LOL WTH AM I SAYING.
Seriously very zibi.

I want to be a simple-minded person.
PLEASE let me be an amoeba in the next life.

LOLOL.

Thinking about graduation got me thinking about this again, I think.

--

VERY LATE, VERY TIRED,

cannot sleep.

bwahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Scary,

2009-10-10T23:51:00.003+08:00

I cannot tell you how scary it was.
T.T
SOMEMORE GOT NARRORTOR KEEP MAKE ME !~@#$%^&*

WALAO EHHH.

Scariest ride in the whole world.

AND AND AND AND.
NOW EVERYBODY SPAM.

-.-

WALAO EH!!!!

Until now my legs still feels very jelly-fied.
T.T

In the end, I said, "Ah bu ah, wa si liao la. Wa bin ceh ceh. T.T "

LOL.

Kay anw thanks!
V fast and SUPER scary.
T.T

Never gonna ride like that again for quite a LONG long long time.

P.S: Buses are SO much more safer.
T.T

-- you bragh my heart LOL.

Untitled

2009-10-10T16:04:00.003+08:00

Having a house warming right now.
EVeryone's overcrowding everywhere.
And all the rooms are so full; I even considered using lappy in the toilet.

I was upset when I went out of the room, and when I came abck, the table was there, and alot of aunties were inside, preparing.
I just stared at the one responsible for suggesting mj in my room.
-.-

Luckily nobody's using the m.bed room, so i took it.

Told my father I want to go out study, since the house's so noisy.
He gave me a shocked face.
THEN HE EXPECT ME STUDY INSIDE THE ROOM MEH.
GOT MJ EVERYTHING, HOW TO.

Kay nevermind, it's their day, so nvm~.

--

Sorry ahwei!
Overslept and missed breakfast time~.

--

Can I sleep?
I'm very tired, no good reason.
:X

Just don't feel like thinking, doing, drinking, eating, playing, studying, etc.
All expect sleeping.
Pig~

--

You know why I'm being like this, right?
You understand, right?

I understand.

--

LOL okay no sense.
Anyway~~ Gotta prepare already!
Big day coming up for princess!!!!!!!!!!!

--

Thanks alot for that.
I really really will treasure it.
I'm sorry, for everything I've done.
I'm not good enough.
random: No-good Tsuna~

--

gonna put up a new song soon.
singer recommended by ahwei; influenced me too much by keep asking me t search for her songs LOL.

Kkkkk jkjkjkjkjk, v hard t find th right song though.

--

kay bye!

Dechu~

2009-10-07T23:29:00.003+08:00

LOL th title was inspired from two very sickening brothers ^^

.

1st:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEIWEN!
Hope you really had fun today :D
You know we care okay!

Omedetou!!!
Happy sweet 16th!
Don't cry because it's over;
Smile because it happened to you already!

-

2nd:
Sandi's latest video about that dog just made me cry~.
1st thing was that I'm very sensitive about dogs because......
don't tell you,
and that secondly, you guys should watch that video too.
At first I thought it was funny because ..... (watch alrd you'll know),
then the later part was just touching!~

):

You know I'll react like that if something happens too.

-

3rd:
I'm blank, and have set my resolutions right this time!!!!!!!
I just hope I'm able to keep to it.
I need tutoring T.T
I need help on Emaths~ Social Studies~ Chemistry~
T.T
Dang~.

2 weeks of study breaks; anyone have the time to teach meeeeeee???
T.T

--

4th:
I rearranged my room!
It looks clumpy...and spacious.
There's a wider space to walk about but the furnitures lumps together.
Blahhhhhh.

--

5th:
I'm very tired, gonna go sleep soon!

--

6th:
I'm wondering if I should go to school tomorrow.
Nono, I'm wondering if I can NOT go to school tomorrow.
But last 2 days, just have to tahan~.
:D :D

--

7th:
I miss Koishii, ^^
Okay lah just foolin' ~
Koishigaru! ):

--

8th:
Whoa, 987fm has bsb songs!

--

9th:
I want to watch movie...

--

10th:
Final last random note, Oyasuminasai!
^^
Zannen desu. hehehehehehehehehe.

hehehehehehehehe ^^

Konbawa!

2009-10-06T23:20:00.003+08:00

Kanashii.
Shinpaii da, sorede?
Hontouni zannen. ):

Mou oshimai da,
what I'm trying to do.

Itsudemo, I'm here (:

Zannen desu,
Oyasuminasai, koishii. ^^

--

LOL.
Some are differnet from what I heard, but I found out that there're 4 kinds of japanese writing
O.O

So many~~
Nvm~.

Sch was okay, but fewer people came to school.
Think lesser are attending for the last 3 days of school.

:D
Stay strong girl!
Philosopher can decipher anything!
Just remember who you are and what you really want!
I believe you can de!!!

One thing you said was right:
Some things should be kept inside, because it's no use saying them out.
It only makes people think you're weak.

Muahahhahaha, nonetheless, we must go on!
hmmmmm.

Resolution,

Photos!

2009-10-05T18:00:00.005+08:00

Okay photos!!!
Like, finally right???

Think my blog's very boring and everything, but it's mine anyway.
TOO BAD.

Watched finished Hitman's anime ytd~
Very sad cause now must wait for every Saturday~.
.
.
.
.
Nvm cause I have manga!

LOL.

Think I really realy better stop watching.
Exam's in 17 days,
but.....

IM FREE IN 36 DAYS!!!
WHOOOOOO.

Left 16 days!
Struggle hard, then it's over!

I wished every trouble has a time limit, so that I know they'll go away.

Continue continue~

Eyebags T.T

Seesee got smoke~!

LOL I macham suaku okay nvm.

SUPERSUPERSUPER CHIO!!!!!!!

Whoooooooo longdao! My answer sheet-buddy LOL.

Jonathan in his newspaper-cum-magazine-wrapped KUNGFU SUIT. LOL.

I still think that my hair looks spiky, like I cut my hair short!

Yes and my brother look ver retarded too.

The owner of this bike is The Master of Endurance. .. LOLOLOL.

Cheryl's Hambargar~

Can anyone guess what is this?!?!?!?!

It looks like chicken floss but its not.

LOL random: This is what you get for having an empty brain.

Warning: Do not try to do this in an exam.

Sandi took this photo for me; she was testing the very very chio effect of her cammy!

Lalalalala~

Sandi's cammy and Sandi~!!!

btw x3333 her eyes!

After 42o857289523 months, we finally went into a neoprint machine and play LOL.

I kept telling Sandi," omgomgomgomg I forgot how to pose!"

A very very long ago shot!

Tadangggg~!

Cheryl!!!! We have twins UNDERNEATH OUR CHINS?!?!

Okay not funny.

Weiwen goes, "BANG!"

LOL okay bye!

tick tock,

2009-10-04T03:13:00.002+08:00

ayeeeeesh, time's running out.
And I'm running everywhere but not to my studies.
T.T

And I have to go out tomorrow T.T
(Psst to th you-know-who who;s gg out with me tomorrow,
WHERE WE GOING!!!!!)
But bo bian!!!
It's a must!
Then I have to have dinner with my relatives~.
):
Oh ya! I haven't told the you-know-who.

Do you know who is it?
LOL.

I need to have my resolution!!
W/o resolution, I have no determination to study hard!!!

^^
Been learning so much through things other than studying.
I shouldn't be spending the time to learn this now, but....
TOO BAD, I'VE CHOSEN!!
LOL.

Kaykay, shall grab some sleep now,
see you-know-who later!!!

Within th lies hides th truth,
Truth hides the lies within,

-hibari.

Fong looks just like hibari, only in mini!
Are they supposed t look th same???!?!?!

Eps 147, 10 more to go!

--

What am I studying for, actually?
Is it for what I'll want? ~~~~

ciaossu!

2009-10-03T07:33:00.003+08:00

heeeee.
I sound so .. in the previous posts.
nvm, it passed ^^

I woke up at 4 just now, due to some unknown stranger calling to say that he called wrongly.
-.-
Couldn't get back to sleep, cause I slept at 10 and my sleeptime during the weekends was 6 hours and less.

Think that's the reason I'm still active LOL.

Soooooooo anyway, today it's a weekend!!
.. and yet I'm not spending the time resting.

When I'm in school I want to sleep,
when I'm at home I don't want to.
-.-
Waste time~.

Okayokay gg continue watching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bbye!!!

:D

Just maybe,

2009-10-02T01:00:00.002+08:00

I felt how you felt, if not a little bit.

hahahahas.

Can't really focus on anything nowadays, and it just seem like it's getter worst and better yet,

time's running out.

Anyway,
I was really distracted when I found my old diary written during sec2.
So much happened during then.

My diary was updated regularly,
but none of them seem nice..
Saddening, but yes, everything happened.

After reading through, I thought of why I had so much..emotions that I bottled inside there.
All the anger, all the hatred, all the.. sad emotions that I used to feel most of the time.

Maybe puberty? LOL okay no sense.
But I learnt through them, for the very least.
I learnt alot of things,
good and bad habits, etc etc.

Just a note, my diary wasn't one which I'll write neatly in sentences and dates.

They were filled with pages that I'll draw on and really scribble on and finally put a date on the last page to wherever I stopped.

I can remember the feelings that I felt, to alot of things.
Friends, family, studies, and even ..

I asked myself,"How in the world did I get through?"
I recalled myself feeling so down and out, like everyday was the worst day of my life repeating over and over,
but I continued to survive.
Maybe I survived for the sake of surviving, maybe I just lived on in search of something better.

I'm still living on w/o a purpose, I think.
But I have to live on, I have to struggle.
For everyone who's been there for me.

Ni kai xin jiu hao.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Quick thought:

2009-09-30T21:28:00.002+08:00

CIAOSSU! <---- SO CUTE!

Hmmmmmm,
Upstairs people sound really really weird..
LOL.

I think I should give them a new name.
I thnk.

LOL.
Wel, it's hard to concentrate nowadays,
idk why, but it seems to me that I super super super happy to get rest every now and then, whenever I can.
But then I'll wake up and think, "oh shit."
LOL, I wasted time.

danggggg.
drifting, and boom.

Hibari aisehhhhh. ^^

P.S:I'll bite you to death.

I'm dependent,

2009-09-29T15:44:00.002+08:00

.....on my specs. T.T

I can't believe how blur my vision got after wearing specs everyday.
I mean, my vision w/o specs.

One very very nice example is.. today.

Walking to the bus stop I was thinking about the different opportunities and chances that would come by and or pass by me.
Then i looked at the bus stop opposite(where I was heading) and thought that buses can be like the chances I get.
I missed it, it's gone, but if I wait, long enough, another chance will be there for me to hop on.

So I thought why not make a small test that includes some unknown upstairs people.
I made a bet that I will not "PRAY", as in wish, to them, hoping my bus would come soon.
If I saw the amount of time I had to wait, and I still "prayed" for them to come, then I would admit that I am a servant-like human with no power over what I would choose/know/wish.
(At this point of time I was at the overhead bridge)

I don't know if you guys get what I mean, it's a little hard to explain here, because I'm not really good with words.. but I was really thinking of this while walking to the busstop.

Then I walked to the busstop, kept thinking that 859 and 856 would come soon because they always do.
I walked straight to the billboard with the timings and guess what I saw?
856: (now)10 mins, (next)20 mins
859: (now)08 mins , (next)22 mins

Hip hip hurray.
-.-
It was equivalent to the time I used to wait for 167.
Hahah.

Nevermind, so I kept thinking, "it's okay! I'm waiting for the bus no matter what.
& I waited.
& waited.

Until the billboard finally said that BOTH the buses would be arriving.
I thought, "Hmpf, see? If I wait it'll come."
:D

I then looked up again, to the billboard, and the timing changed.
856: (now)12 mins, (next)23 mins
859: (now)13 mins, (next)20 mins

VERY FUNNY, HUH.

__

At this point of time I still wasn't going to believe that I'm defeated by NOT believing in the "power of the upstairs people",
so I chose to wait.

It was getting very very hot, & I was sweating like hell, so I clipped up my fringe and took down my specs.
I thought my vision was okay after awhile, so I didn't wear my specs back on.
A bus came and I SQUINTED my eyes.

I jumped right out of my seat and thought, "HAHA, I WON. SEE, 859 CAME EVEN THOUGH TH BILLBOARD SAID 13 MINS."

Happily, I tapped my card and found a seat rightttttt at the back.

The bus drove...... AND TURNED INTO GAMBAS AVE.

Yay, I hopped on 969 instead.

I went, "WTF? "

Life must be kiddin' me.
My vision, chose at that time, to fail me.
Ha ha.

Still not choosing to bow down, I waited for the very next stop, and went down.
I was at a little bit after 3M Company, and I said, "not bad, exercise."

WHO IN THE WORLD AM I KIDDIN'.

I'M JUST HOPING FOR A QUICK RIDE HOME SO THAT I CAN REST EARLIER,
AND THIS WAS WHAT I GOT?

WTF.

So all the way home I just listened to songs and kept on thinking, "It's okay, Feon. It's okay."

Yes, this was my afternoon.

So now.............. I'm really thinking hard on whether or not I should have made my little bet with my own thoughts and the urm, upstairs people.

Ahh, funny how it's been for the past 2 hours.
Okay very random, got to go eat now, bye!

Response t previous post..

2009-09-28T22:38:00.002+08:00

I read my post before this..
and realied that,
"why in the world did I post that out?"

LOL.

Idk why either.
Just a thought before bed, I think.

Anw, I missed maths srp today,
before I hadn't had the guts to walk in alone to a full class of mixed students.
& futhermore, I was late.
So... I went to the library instead.
Read up on a few books, then tried to study, but then came a whole lot of sec3s and juniors, and the library became a fish market.
Even with Sandi's earpiece, the noise was just....... UNBEARABLE.

-.-
So irritating.

Then, I went back t the srp class to see if somehow I can get my attendence marked,
but Ziyi and Laiyu told me the attendence was taken at the beginning, and so..
Yay, tomorrow my name's gonna be called out. -.-

Went down to the General office and met up with ww and eileen,
Eileen was late for the same srp as me, but SHE WENT IN.
T.T
She told us that a lot of people was staring at her when she came in at 3 plus..
Damn I should have went in with her.
Hee.

Okay, so after I reached home,
I went to get ready to study at Mac with ww, cheryl, nic and edmund.
Edmund came to surprise ww ^^

(Wondering how's Sandi celebrating at home??)
random thought.

AND I'M DONE FOR THE DAY + NIGHT.

Now I'm back at home, changed into my pjs(im v proud t still have tht t wear)
and lazing around in my bed.
:D

2 more weeks of school, 1 week school break,
then the 'O's will start.
Scary how my panic buttons aren't pushed at all.
That's very bad.
Very, very bad.

I need to push.
PUSHHHHHHHHHHH.
):
Motivate~

Okay take care bye!

Before bed post?

2009-09-28T01:51:00.003+08:00

Hmmmm, thought about some things before going to bed.
Nono, I'm already in bed, so actually it's before going to sleep.
LOL.

Was listening to music(like I always will) in bed.
Listened to the lyrics and read some from the internet too.

Idk why lyrics is one of the important pointers that I see in a song.
Of course there's the tune. ^^
I just have t know th lyrics of a song before I remember/ like it.
Maybe it's a habit of searching for songs that suits how I was feeling, that got me where I am now today.
hee.

For this particular song, I read the lyrics and my heart went "bang."
Yes, with a full-stop bang, because it's silent and quick.
Hee.
It felt like that, at least.
I really understood the lyrics, and I could relate to it.
It's not something I can sing to, but I can hum to it. :D
And the tunes are so soothing; I'm listening them to sleep right now.
Haha.
I don't know how long will this song last for my mood, maybe a few days,
before I change my mood and find another song that suits me thereafter.

But right now, whoever posted that song, I love you!
So so much, for letting me find that song.

It's not really why I'm loving it, but as to how I'm loving it.
Unexplainable, but maybe I finally understood something.
Finally, I can relate to something?

Maybe it's different to you, but the song is just so so so nice.
Maybe a different kind of "nice" to you, but I like it.
Ba la dah dah dah~ I'm lovin' it

Hmmmm, don't misunderstand,
really.
I love it, alot.
Whether or not, the meaning of it to you & to me are the same.
Or to the many people out there.
^^

Goodnight, sweet dreams!

Bang,

2009-09-26T02:58:00.001+08:00

HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPYPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHEAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPRYHIAPGPYHHAPPTYHAPPY
HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY

s'Kay,

2009-09-25T20:51:00.002+08:00

I'm fineee~

Anw there really was a spammer just now,

wasn't me.

LOL.

Recent updates that I noted:

1. I'm feeling lethargic every single day, even when I just bathed and should, by right, be feeling refreshed.

I just feel so sleepy everytime.

I have a silly theory about that, but I'm hesistant to spill it.

Maybe some other time, perhaps.

2. Science practicals are seriously getting very boring.

But I'm still loving every moment I have; it's one of the last fews that I'm gonna get to do.

Hahahh.

LongDao will then no longer be my lab partner, and no more turning around to ask Huang Changgg for answers.

): <

3. 'O' levels is coming in a month.

Hahah, last lap, huh?

Really really fast.

4. New room, empty.

5. I'm feeling very secondhand-ed nowadays.

6. I love everyone I love.

7. I'm really hesistating to go to graduation night.

It's expensive, it's silly, it's one of those "Once in a lifetime" thing, it's memorable, it's fun, it's ..

Idk.

LOL.

Okay, graduation night has many many reasons to go to, but I'm still hesistating.

8. I'm really sleepy right now, but still I should try to mug.

(Studymood now:20%)

I know I can sleep 24/7 after 'O's.

I can't possibly study after 'O's, right?

That would be.... impossible.

EXCLUDING reading, of course.

9. Are you sleeping, are you sleeping..

* ^^ Anyone remember why I sang this song today? *

10. Things are very hard for me to assume an answer,

so my heart just keep popping out with many reasons.

Logical, and illogical.

All seemed very retarded, but somewhat true.

Okay, really very sleepy.

Maybe grab some shuteye and wake up later.

Why am I making myself free every single day?

I seriously seriously have no idea.

hahaha I really don't have any.

HECKARH HYEEEEEEERE!

2009-09-25T19:43:00.001+08:00

HI EVERYBODY!!!

I AM A HACKAAAAAAA!!!

FEON'S BLOG IS GNA BE INACTIVE FOR 24 YEARS!!!!! BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST CALAMITY THAT THE WORLD HAVE EVER CAME ACROSS!!!!!!!!!

BEWAREZZZZZZZ JOO SARK!!!

K LAH HEHEHE JK

Mei jian dao

2009-09-24T22:32:00.000+08:00

Dont go,
stay longer.
):

WAIT,

2009-09-24T21:55:00.003+08:00

I'm really not choosing!

Course I'll have my comments,
but I'm not siding!

:D

In some plays,
there will never be a right nor wrong.
Sometimes..
it's very obvious.

But no matter how much, there will always be a reason.
It may be wrong to you, but it'll not be to the one who came up with it!

Or maybe until you tell them why and what..
hmm..

different situation = different stretegy?
Alamak idk how to spell.

I'll be supporting!
Not any sides but just for the better!
^^

S,

2009-09-24T21:30:00.003+08:00

I don't know why I'm posting this outloud,
but I just have this feeling that I should.

Current music:
*Scars - Corrinne May*

.

It's unfair, but it's true.
You can hate it,
you can try to shout it into a bottle and bury it away,
you can run away from it,
you can do whatever it takes to navigate yourself away,

but it's yours.
it will be your bag of burden.

Yea, you feel like you can't open up to help anymore.
You just feel that everything adds up to that big bag of sorrow.

Maybe you really did tried your best to repress the hurt, the pain.
Or maybe you did what most people always did,
they just love to wallow themselves in those lovely memories.

I know it's saddening to say,
but it feels nice to recall those memories,
wondering why we cannot go back to where we were.

Many time I'll tell myself, "Time will heal things, time will cure."
Well...
I found something even more true.
They always say time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself.
-C.blog.

There are really too many times when we run out of strength,
Sometimes we don't know how we even made it through.
But I dug deep and realized who I was pushing for.
(:
So try to find, find that strength.
Don't ever give up on anything, and just keep surviving!

Yea, sometimes things just smack you hard, very hard,
and it seriously, is very annoying and frustrating.

Still we gotta keep pushing, make it through,
and maybe one day we'll get paid for being that strong.

It's all just part of life,
sometimes I'm even telling myself that I experiencing something that
many people may not get to feel.
& it may be a good thing.
It's another saddening and retarded point,
but that's one thing I remind myself, at least.
^^

I'm so sorry I don't have any answers.
I'm looking for myself myself too.

I just wished everyone could be cured with medicines and therapy.
Then at least, SOME things that should be explained CAN be explained.

Be strong, okay?
Be strong, for everything.
Out there, people are always there!
You know that,

"But sometimes it takes so much more to get that inside your head & acknoledge it's enough."

Then try, slowly, but repeatedly, tell yourself that fact.
Maybe it'll work? Hee.
I do that, & I know I love all my beloveds.
I'm sure you do too.
^^

Okay, that's all.

--
While writing this, in the back of my mind I was thinking about another somesome.
Hmmm.
Better not zai zhe li.

All the things she said, running through my head.

Dedicated t AHLE,

2009-09-24T21:06:00.003+08:00

NAHNAH,
AHLE.

UPDATE RIGHT?
LOL.

KAY UPDATE LE.

LOL!
see!
I dedicate to YOU somemore.
TOUCHED right?
LOL.

NOW YOUR TURN TO UPDATE.
-.-

YOUR 3 POST BLOG REALLY CAN DO STH ABT IT ANOT.
LOLOLOLOL.
(edited, he say he del blog le o.o)

keesiao.

Strength, 35%

2009-09-23T23:27:00.009+08:00

(cut)

on second thoughts,
maybe not.

^^

some other times, perhaps.
heheheh.

eileeen!
gogogogoggogogogo!

Thursday

2009-09-23T23:19:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow it's a Thursday.
An hour later for the lazy students to finally be on time,
for the early risers to have a proper breakfast.

I'm an early riser, can I have my proper breakfast with you?
imyimyimyimyimynbpcblolololol.
hmm.
School is.. still the same.
But I'm still missing out something.

I don't know how to explain it, but it feels.. empty.
BWAH.

No time for that le.
):

No time for anything!
Feon, concentrate.

Why doesn't my youtube downlaoder work?
It says I don't have th right "video codecs" for the downloader.
-.-

Then I don't have flv player, HOW TO EVEN SEE THE VIDEO.
RAWRRRR.

This com need serious upgrading.

anw, bernice!
happy happy birthday to you okay!
although i'm not personally very close to you,
but i still wish you to be happy always!
^^
you retard girl, always laugh for nothing.
not funny also laugh, sth laugh until srs on th floor, macham can roll around kind.
LOL.

But still, try m18 okay!
LOL take care okay!

BE SAFE!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
JKJKJK.

it's been soooooooooooooooo long.

ROCK ON,

2009-09-23T06:37:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BERNICE!!

SWEEEEEET 16TH!

How will it be today???

....

LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

^^

Study mood - 40%

2009-09-21T09:47:00.004+08:00

I'm not neglecting anybody,
I'm not gonna leave anybody alone,
I'm not ignoring anybody,
okay?

Must remember that I'm studying,and ..

I CAN'T MULTITASK.
So I really need to put all of this,
into That.

Once I divert any of my attention to anybody or anything,
all of my "study-energy" will be gone.
really. ):

After self-studying at Mac suring the Sept hols,
I know how I cannot study w/o focusing.
Ahhhhhhh.

Okayokay,
take good care, all of you,
Tata for now!

Mother, looking at me,
tell me what do you see,
have I lost my mind?

SANDI!

2009-09-21T00:20:00.004+08:00

Yes!
We are gonna be bookWORMS,
and STUDY!

Tomorrow you'll gonna be chionging study + art right!
All the best!!!

...

^^

Okay, gonna go sleep now,
waking up tomorrow, at WHENEVER TIME I like,
not like SOMEONE need wake up for TUITION(LOL),
And study!

Concentrate feon,
do it as much as how much you wish somesome will.
kambateh!

:D

ANW,
I REALIZED I HAVEN'T SAW EILEEN SINCE WEDNESDAY
(LOL realized this hen talking to her yesterday heee)
AND I HAVEN'T BEEN TO CHERYL HOUSE FOR AGES
.
.
.
COURSE NOT FORGETTING,
WEIWEN and her beancurd city!
Note to ww: why won't you get tired of the soft, squishy, beancurd?
LOL.

YAY!

2009-09-20T02:58:00.002+08:00

Double yay!
Cause I just remembered about my literature's score,
and and my fonts are fixed!
Idk why, but when sandi asked about it on msn,
I did a double look,
and it's fixed!
As in, I didn't do anything to it,
but the scrawny words are fixed to smooth, normal ones!

omgg.
this is weird.
Double the weirdness because I scored for literature.
But Mr Row say it's gonna be harder for 'O's!
):

Triple the yay-ness!
I found WHALE RIDER.
I know, wth right?
It was buried deep deep deeeeep inside my cupboard.
o.o

Just dug it out while packing just now.
Whoa, cool or not?
LOL.

Okay, bye!

4 weeks left;

2009-09-20T02:09:00.002+08:00

And it's 'O's~.

I'm gonna really concentrater on my studies from next week.
No more going out,
No movies (Sandi should know how torturing it is for me LOL)
No after-school slacking,
no nada.

After moving (which is later, as in, Sunday),
after settling down,
I'm gonna study.
Offline to msn, and just use lappy for music
(YAY I FIXED IT MYSELF ^^)
Still the lappy has problems, like the font and etc.
..

Anw,
I just bought this new facial mask that I'm suppose to apply every week.
It's dirty green in colour,
and I'm using it now!
I don't know if it works, but it's recommended by those Facial shops!

We'll work hard tgt, individually on subjects,
but we will get through it.
(:

bubble, bubble, bubble, bubble.

I just remembered I have no bookshelves.
OMG ALL MY STORYBOOKS ON THE FLOOR WTH?!
(LOL this sentence is super nerdy)

Think I'm getting rid of my blogsong,

remember once I posted about how songs fits you?
Well, now nothing really fits the label.
Yea, so..
I'm taking it DOWNNNN.

May be reverting to chinese songs again,
maybe not.
I realized I have less than 20 chinese songs in my lappy.
wtf.
I'm sooooo not chinese LOL jkjk.
People if you have nice chinese/english song send them to mua!

Best if you can soon!
Cause I'm gonna go MIA period.

Self chant: It's gonna be over in 2 months,
tahan!

Help T.T

2009-09-19T16:33:00.002+08:00

My com spoilt.
-.-
Idk what happened,
but my fonts are turned into defaults,
idk how to explain how "default" they are,
but I think it's got t do with my com's display resolutions.
..

And my com has no sound.
WTF right?!
No sound = cmi.
Media Player can't play any music,
even I.E too.

Got to do with my sound.

Hmmmm.
So fast soilt.
-.-

help me~~.

bubble.

Jang-ed,

2009-09-18T23:39:00.002+08:00

Sorry, if I can I would,
because then maybe you won't be dfurther upsetted by what I'm saying.
But whenever I see you like that, I just can't help myself.

3.5, o! woe;

2009-09-18T16:04:00.000+08:00

Methinks I see thee, now thou art so low,
As one dead in the bottom of a tomb."

304!

2009-09-16T20:28:00.003+08:00

YAY!!
Now I'm currently at 304, planning to stayover.
:D:D

I wonder how scary it'll be..
never tried sleeping alone before.
:X

Everything must be tried at least once, right?
Gotta give it a shot, right?
^^

Anyway, my results are all almost back.
Passed my english,
passed my maths,
ridiculously failed my amaths,
didn't take chinese,
passed my social studies,
passed sciences too,
and lastly i haven't got back my literature.
D:

Unfortunately,
I think I wont be anywhere near my goal.
): <

Okay bye.
Got some people staring into th ceilings, sleepy.

Helping to Advertise,

2009-09-13T16:32:00.001+08:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahle and BaoJun - Ahle and BaoJun

CREAM AND STRAWBERRY RIGHT AHLE.

Wondering,

2009-09-13T01:30:00.003+08:00

Sometimes,
you disapprove to what is against your will of living.
You fight for your "right reasons".

Sometimes,
it just hits you hard in your heart & makes you wonder if you're wrong.

.FEON. Strength, says:
*yeaaaaaa
*to live, is about to suffer

T0l>i@5 says:
*yea

.FEON. Strength, says:
*and what for suffer?

T0l>i@5 says:
*the pain
*of
*kept in the dark
*when your fren backstab you
*the pain
*when
*you see the one you care for
*walks off you
*the pain when
*you seperate with a person
*and nvr to see him or her again
*to love
*is to suffer
*if you never live
*you won't experience pain

If we live jsut to experience pain..
My god.
Why the * did the "upstairs" people created us for.

Dang.

How can I really show, tell, you how I feel,
when there's no way you're gonna be with me alone.
why can't i do better, why can i do what you want me to do,
so that you can love me and want to be with me.

Everyone needs their questions answered & their fears addressed,
or they will move away from it, repressing it, never really stand up to it.

And to ,
Maybe I understand a little.
It's hard enough taking responsibility for your own feelings;
let alone looking after someone else's heart as well, right?
Your battle is not about just one feeling or any action taken,
but a series of negative stuffs that's happening in many other parts of your life.
):

Am I anywhere near?

D, you're carrying the load of tomorrow,
adding with that of yesterday,
including the ones you have today.
you're faltering, fast. ):

A quote I really think is true:
It's not true that,
life is one damn thing after another;
it's one damn thing over and over
-Edna St. Vincent Millay

I'm not trying to be perfect, or alter anything,
if i just give enough, maybe he'll eventually acknoledge me and accept me.
i need to let him know that i'm always here.
friend, or not.
i always was.

LOL it's true,
I'm a goner.
After spending one whole day at a place I can really think in,
this post was all I thought in conclusion.
Except the chat part, LOL.

Lovelovelovelovelove,

2009-09-13T00:39:00.002+08:00

It'll be to a point whereby I can't anymore;

if not i should keep trying.

bwg.

2009-09-12T16:41:00.007+08:00

lolol.
really bwg.
the curry not nice?(yea, proven)
you don't want to eat what i made?..
ahle say you eat abit only..

lalala~
to think i spent months..
make for you only know.
just that abit too much for one ma,
and not really nice la.
304 (L).
(L)(U)
(S)

SUCKUU.

F.F!

2009-09-12T00:08:00.001+08:00

Just wished

we could

talk

face to face.

i

want

nothing

now

but

you

being

okay.

anything

else

don't

matter

much

compared

to

you

being

happier,

even

if

by

a

little

bit.

Think I'm gonna give it tomorrow?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Okay set!
Tomorrow give!

:/

Just hope the receiver won't refuse.

Lalalalalalalala~

--

LOL I chose a very nice place to study today!
A place to slack and study!

Before that, saw Sebastian at Semb library.
Was feeling very paiseh because I had like, 6-7 books on my lap.
LOL.
Felt like a total nerd.
Geek.
Bookworm, etc etc.

We don't have to make this now,
don't do anything!

If anyone of us wants it,
we'll prove it.

somehow.

I don't know if I can prove much,
but I'm gonna try.

You just, ..relax okay?
LOL.
REALLY.

Actually you really don't have to do anything,
cause we're the ones fighting.
Not you.

..
EH WAIT.
But must see who you want also ma..
Neutral = both also don't like?
Must have a reason why you will hesitate with mm/dd.
Cause.. you also have feelings for mm? ^^

hehehehehe.

AHWEI,
DON'T DECLARE WAR LAH.
LOL.

The heart wants what the heart wants.
If he wants, he'll say it
If he doesn't wants it... no point keep ~~ ma,
Later he more ~~~~

..
why my photo will make you uneasy..
LOLOLOL.

P.S: My tittle is not what some of you think it is hor.
LOL.

Thanks for the memories~

2009-09-11T03:06:00.001+08:00

And now they're all gone.
Every single one of them.

ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

How was yours?

2009-09-10T23:28:00.003+08:00

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I wonder how,
I wonder why,

Today was............................
dengdeng~.

:D
Treasuring every single moment I'm with you.

Why you say you both also don't like~

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~.
Anw, thanks ahwei helping me buy chewing gum!!
The mint one REALLY VERY HOT.

Grabbed~

2009-09-10T02:49:00.001+08:00

I saw this from a friend's blog!::

"I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy,
I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry,
I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me."

ANDDDDDD this is quite interesting to know too.

What do you want th other party to do when you cry?

hug you?
kiss you?
console you?
counsel you?
throw you all his/her doubts?
Or maybe, just sit next to you & wait for you to stop?

I wished I had ALLL the answers.
But if that is so, I would be god.
Oh, and god doesn't exist.
"God" was created for the people to explain the unexplainable.
Those that cannot even be explained with scientific terms.
No offence to those who pray to God, all kinds of gods.
Different people have different definitions of god right?
^^

I just saw something.
My father's insurance gets lesser and lesser every year.
-.-
PEOPLE GET OLDER IS WILL HAVE MUCH MORE DE MA.
THEN THE INSURANCE COMPANY WANT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE INSURED TO DIE FASTER FOR MONEY?
WTF?

LOL.
So bad sia the company.
Just have a fix amount lah.
-.-

No wonder some people want to kill themself for the money.
If they die old, they can't get any.
-.-

Typical day random-ness.

2009-09-10T00:48:00.003+08:00

DON'T SAY I EMOING.
AND DON'T BAOTOU.
):
IF NOT I KILL YOU.
LOL.

WHOOOOOOOOOOO.
Early morning got milo drink = shiok!
Just that I look retarded taking this photo.
Like dk smile at where.
But really, to wake up at your own desired time and drink a cup of milo,
that is ~~ whooo~.

Actually the eyebags are worst than it looks here.
Don't believe can ask the people who've seen me these days.

Kelian right..
Alone~
LOLOLOLOL.
No lah, cold till I wanna die, but worth it.
I'm actually STUDYING MATHS?!?!?!
LOL.
TUTOR ME AMATHS PLEASE.AHHHHHH.

I know I know, it doesn't look nice.
The btm person looks like it's flying upwards.
It's actually standing.
And the top person have an alien-shape head.
Think person hit the head a little too much when young.
LOLOLOL.
JKJKJKJKJKJKJKJK.

WHOOOOOOOO another package.
LOOK AT THE NAME.
HEHEHEHEHEHE.

OKAY NOTHING ELSE.

Weird day..

2009-09-09T23:37:00.006+08:00

Today I felt:

Neutral, Happy, Nervous, Disappointment, Anger, and lastly, Sadness.

Just say that the people who found me where I was thought I'm crazy and lame to be doing what I was doing.
Because why?

..
Don't tell you all, later you all think I'm really crazy too.

But I was really on the brink, you can say.
Did calm down when I went to the place to slack.
Thought about many things, did some self-review.

Ah, I suck.

):
I really want people whom I care to be happier, to be a little bit more carefree.
But I always seem to be doing the other thing around.
Maybe not everytime,
but it happens to the people I really care about, maybe even love.

But after every single thing I've thought about, two words popped out.
Although it's very very lame, it's true.
"So what?"

So what if I knew,
if I didn't had the answers, all the questions would be nothing.
If I didn't know what to do, how would I change things?
I would just be going about in circles.

BUT WHO CAN I TURN TO FOR THE RIGHT SOLUTIONS?
Course I can seek my friends for help,
but I can guess how their answers would be.
It would mostly be the same, right, answers.

Maybe some would had clues, cause they had experience.
Those who don't will just have to guess.

Then I figured that still, I would have to depend on myself.
Take my own actions.
Do what I think is okay.
Maybe that'll turn out fine.

BUT I ALWAYS DO THE WRONG THING.

Then how?
Blame yourself and no one else lor.
You caused your own problems ma.

Yea, so I just kept going in circles for around, I don't know,
2-3h I guess?
LOL.

--

When I know who could have the right answers,
it slaps me back in the face.
Cause I am the one with my own answers.

I just love to run away from the solutions, that's all.
I don't know, it's been a habit of mine, since.. whenever.
I know i know, must face up to your own problems, blahblahblah.
But sometimes it's really hard.

You just feel like digging a hole and crawl and hide inside in,
only when the problem is over then you're willing to come out.

Know when I woke up?
It was around the starting of this year.
I remembered it was about a problem with my close buds.
I forgot the details, but then I complained to this one special person.
That person told me things that shook me up.

He told me, that, if I keep on shrugging off the problem, of course it would be easier.
It would be even best to just run away from ALL the responsibilities that I have to carry.
But if I really treasure them(my friends) as much as I claimed, I would push myself to find the solutions.
I wouldn't just run away because I was afraid, I would try ways to solve it.

He said to me that if I want it as much as I say, I will prove it.
No matter how many fucking times I fall, I must try again.
Why? Because I want the opposite ending, not something like this(the bad one).

This was what he said.

--

I need to be strong.
I cannot fall!
Must be strong, be that strength for people who needs it!
Cause why?
Cause I care for that person, and I don't want t watch them fall.
Don't ask me why, I just really will be hearbroken.

YES, FOR SOMEONE'S QUESTION,
it's because I love them.
I really really do.
I want them to be happy.
No matter what happens to me.
If it will make the person life a tad easier, let me know and I'm game.
No, no stupid things like you know, running around naked in public.

I want to try to do something right for once.

And now that I'm trying to do that,
everytime I do something wrong,
People remembered what I did wrong in the past rather than what I was doing now.
I don't know, even if it's not,
everytime it just seems that way to me.

It's always the things I've did wrong that will be reminded time and time again.
No matter how I try, if I'm wrong again,
people would link it back to the past, like I'm not learning, and that I'm dumb.
It's like, hearing people reminding you again and again and again
of things you don't want to hear.
Things you would rather do it another way if you had the chance to.
Things you just really love to run away from.

I really want to hide away,
but I can't.
I must be strong, and face.
No matter how much I will be facing,
from young, it's me alone,
and now, it's still my own problems,
and in the future,
it's gonna be me again to face those new and irritating problems.

Gotta keep trying,

And I accept this, why?
I don't know,
I just know I'm waiting for something.
Something other than this.
Something that will prove that it's worth all these.
Something I dreamt of.

The only only reason I'm still struggling,
is because I know there are people who are in a much more worse state than me.
If I'm complaining..
what happens to them?
So what I'm feeling is nothing compared to them.

It is so unfair to some people,
but we have to push, we have to keep on going, kay?

There will be something in the future that you've been looking forward to.

If you want it, try hard enough to get that chance.
Prove to others and yourself!

Naggy?
Yesyes, these are the every night thoughts that I have.
Talk about self-comforting huh?

Notice the positive, then negative, then postitive, then negative?
Yea, I know; I'm really going crazy.
I'm unbalanced to a really really worse state.

--

Went to visit Hazel's blog, tried the website she intro-ed.
www.goldinuniverse.com
I don't know how to rate this.
YOu try and let me know?
LOL.

You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realisation of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will. (yahyah right. -.-)

The way things are you are under considerable stress and you feel that there is little hope of matters righting themselves. Everyone about you seems to aggravate the problem even more. You feel that at this time you need to be alone and you are right - move back and give yourself a chance to breathe. (yoh de ley hee huuu~)

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.(.................)

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts. (yeayea agreeable..i think)

Haha.
..
Bwg.
LOL.

Just now I was really tempted to just say everything.
But then..
I got shy.

LOL.

WTF.
-.-

Feon you are one big hell of a sucker.
~

If I have to, if it makes life easier for you,
I WILL.

Actually, I didn't leave at all.
I'm a very good stalker.
Don't believe me?
Ask the people who know what I'm hiding.

LOLOLOLL.
HAHAHAHAHAH SO WRONG.
LOLOLOLOL.

Okayokay.
Gonna go act like a nerd now.
Bye~.

Study!

2009-09-09T12:26:00.003+08:00

Whooot.
Studied the whole day yesterday!

*an shuang*...

LOL.

And the AMAZING thing is..

I went t study ALONE!

It helps... I think.
At least I cannot talk, right?

But the down part is only that I look like a loner if I sit in a single table with two chairs.
If I take the seating with the 2 tables and 4 chairs joined tgt in Mac,
people will stare.
-.-

AND I DIDN'T EAT MEALS YESTERDAY!!!
WHOOO.
As in, not macdonald's meals.
LOL.
Ate a little for breakfast, then went to Mac t study,
went up for lunch around 2 cause it was freakinggggg cold.
Then finally went out of mac at around 6 plus to go the library and study somemore.
LOL.

Read up alot in the library too.
Read some names' book too, found out that alot of people like the name,"Sophia."
And the meanings some of the popular names were very ..
Like, "Wanita", is the meaning of pale-skinned.
LOLOLOLOL I just thought of someone else.
Okayokay nono.

Then there are very weird names which I don't know why it would be popular.
Like,
Lo, Caerwyn, Findel, Josem, Gym(..) and so so many more lah.
Imagine, "Hey, I'm Lo, what's your name?"
You go, "Hey..my name's Hai."
...

There's one name, in Hebrew, I can't even remember how the spelling goes.
I think it has about like, seventeen letters?!?!
LOL.
It goes sth like, "Zayogldnxyluni".
REALLY.
LOLOL.
UNREADABLE.
Maybe to them it is..
BUT NO SYLLABUS TO READ?!?!
Maybe they have their own way of writing huh.

Okayokay, gonna continue where I left of today!
Bye! Off t mac!!

P.S: Does Mac have places for chargers?
hee.

Imma dead battery,

2009-09-08T21:49:00.005+08:00

Unknown: "Feon, aiyoh, what happen to you?"
Me: "?"
Unknown: "Why you like that.."
Me: "WHATT."

hee.
heee.
heeee.
heeeee.
heeeeee.
heeeeeee.
heeeeeeee.
heeeeeeeee.

okay super duper random now.
the only,
only thing,
that's revolving around me,
is the word,
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"NO."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
HEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHE.

Wish I could keep you much longer,
I know you gotta go, cause you got things to do.

RANDOMMMMMM.
D.O.M.

I LOVE DON JAENZ TAN KE PING.
WHOOOOOOOO.
I LOVE YOU.

& how I wished everything were THAT fun.
heeeeeeeeeeeeee.

anyone can guess what I'm doing right now?
NOBODY RIGHT.
HAHAHAHAHA.

Don't tell you all what I'm doing; it's UNHEALTHY.
I'M DRINKING VEGETABLES.
HAH.
Okay lah actually I'm doing nothing, just playing around with my dad...
....

WHAT YOU THINKING.

PLAYING PS3 LAH.

hahahahahahaha.
just joking, not that either.

AIYAH, WHATEVER I POST HERE NOW,
NOT TRUE OKAY.
JUST THINK OF ME AS TALKING CRAP-O,
OKAY DARLIN'?
MUAKCS YOU DARLING, SWEETIE, HONEY.

Strength, love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Individually overcoming obstacles together!
LOL I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS.
No lah, actually I do.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
-.-

Love everythin', yet can't have anythin'.

Omg,

2009-09-08T08:14:00.003+08:00

Whooooooooooooooooo.
Got afew random photos.
Last 2 were taken just this morning.
LOLOL.
Abit too active, nothing to do = doing something lame.

NEVERMIND, GONNA STUDY LATER.
LALALALA.
NONO, I MEAN NOW.
RARRRRRRR.

HAHAHAHAHA.
Okay lame.

MUAHAHAHAHA.
NYP JACKET.
LOL.
Okay lah not mine LOL.
I act one cool nia.

Seeee.
I look SUPER weird smiling like THAT.
So..
Very rare that I will take photos smiling with my teeth.
I look like a stupid rabbit.
Nono, rabbit's cuter with those teeth.
LOL.

~~~~
okay mugmugmugmugmugmug!!
chiongchiongchiong!
to all the people chionging now!
regardless of what you guys are chionging for,
CHIONG AHHHHHHHH!!!!

LOL ps really abit too high.
Think i can even go running now.

A little bit of sumsum,

2009-09-07T17:10:00.002+08:00

Uploaded a few photos in my phone.
Think there's very little to take photos of nowadays.
:X

A little sneak peek at my room..
Not yet done, but I think many people would say,"Seriously Feon, your colour suck."
LOL.

The very very very dirty balcony :X
Idk how to make it clean; even the acid wash can't clean it off?!?!

A little some some I made on Thursday..

LOL. Hi-5 "concert" at SSC. -.-

Quite a number of people showed up though.
o.o

Okay,
back to whatever I was doing!
Byeeeeeeeeeeee!!

2009-09-07T15:18:00.001+08:00

BYEBYE PEOPLE.
I'M FLYING OFF TO:

2221 E. Northern Lights Blvd
Suite #210
Anchorage, Alaska 99508

SOON!
LOL.

):
Why good treatment are always so darn far.
~!@#$%^&*^%$#@!

CURSE YOU!!!
*waves fists in air*

Okay :x currently hopping around, lazing.
Gonna hit the books soon, really really.
hehehehee.

Back to step1,

2009-09-07T09:42:00.006+08:00

Friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friend friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends friends.

...

How can I tell you that I know what's on your mind,
Girl you know I care,
so lay down the defence, kick away the barriers,
When you need me, ring me.
Title: Whenever is okay :D
gotta keep reminding yourself that you know,,
you know I want you to be happy :D

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Can't sleep last night, kept lying on th bed till it's 3 plus in the morning,
then finally fell asleep.
Guess what?

I woke up at 7 plus.
Cool not?
LOL.

Couldn't sleep anymore, I have no idea why, but nvm!

Wish I can prove it to you!! that i will be there for you when you need me,
Wish I can show you! that you do mean something okay.

LOL.
Now when I hear "Aunty", I think of 2 aunties.
:X
HEEEE.

:D

2009-09-06T23:35:00.003+08:00

Well, if you ask me to describe today..
It would be...

Funny, happy, nervous, butterflies, awed-ness,
ALL JOINED IN ONE!

LOL.

Whoa, can't believe I'm typing this ^^
Met up with Curtis Ahle Ahwei, Melford and Sandi :D
Passed a very gay-ish looking earring to Ahle, :x
Then headed over to 404.
When we reached, Xinlei and her 2 friends were already there playing basketball. :D
Sandi and I, of course, stayed on th OUTSIDE of th bball court and the rest played.

After afew matches, they were playing stunts <-- not all.. LOL.
Then after that Melford went off to somewhere and told Sandi to ask me go die. -.-
ZZZZZZZ.
~!$%^&!@#$%^$#@!~

Then Curtis Ahle Ahwei Sandi and me headed back to SP,
but the 3 of them need to go back to eat,
so Sandi and I went to the busstop and I sent her to ^^.
Saw her brother there!!! *HELLO!*

Walked home, and slacked awhile at the garden ^^
SAW MY PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIEND <--whoa, rarity x100
Chatted awhile, then I went home.
LALA.

So.. .

*Bro's taptap very funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ^^*
*SOMEONE keep disiao same phone zzz!!!*

Helping to clean out th hamster cage.
Sis's washing it now, then I'm gonna clean it and everything.
Meanwhile I'm trying to find th hamster whom idk how can't be found even if it's in a ball rolling around. ..

This com is SUPER laggy.

Now's th September hols, then it's 2 weeks of studying in school,
then it's study break for another 2-3 weeks,
THEN 'O's. omg. :x

Gonna study for Amaths I swear.
I really.
REALLY.
WANT.
TO.
FCKING.
PROVE.
THAT.
EVEN.
IF.
I.
AM.
A.
LAZY PIG.
IN.
CLASS.
I.
CAN.
FCKING.
STUDY.

I MUST FUCKING GET 10 FOR L1R4
AND 15 FOR L1R5 cause my amaths C5.
LOL.

Retaking the chi exams cause must strive for A2!!! :X
Gonna spend tomorrow out, then study all the way!!
It's gonna be STUDY WEEK.
HMPF.
Gonna prove it to you if that's what it takes.

I'm no baby, I can think.
And if that's your way of "sarcasm",
I'm sorry, it only makes me more wanna fight.

I'm really sorry for everything, but I know sorry won't be of cure.
I know you meant well, so I'm gonna show you that I can fucking do it.
Even if I have to study every night till it's 4am in the morning.
At most I buy more mask and Collagen eyemasks.

..

Its the one who won't be take,
who cannot seem to give.

Tonight I wanna cry,

2009-09-05T00:34:00.002+08:00

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
Theres pictures of you and I on the walls around me the way that it was and should have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.

Would it help if i turned a sad song on
"All by Myself" would sure hit me hard, now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.

Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with this pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.

---

Thought of many things to write,
but wrote it on the other side.

Nobody needs to see what kind of lamish-craps I've wrote.
It's unhealthy.

Ahh.
What to do.

So many little tiny problems = one huge big lump of disaster.

But I know nothing's compared to yours, so I'm not complaining.
Not now.

):

I want pass you that thing.
But.
Fuck.

Bushed.

2009-09-04T13:53:00.004+08:00

Whoa, it's been wayyyyy to long since I've update.
): Sandi and Eileen said to "update", so here I am!

Haven't had a goodnight's rest this whole week.
Kept sleeping only when the clock strikes 3 in the morning.
Pissed.
LOL.
Mood wasn't that well at school, lethargic to the max~~~~.

Even worst, because of my late-sleeping,
I woke up late, so I missed my shift for Prelim Practical,
but I went for shift 2.

Hanging out at the house numba 2 these few days.
Helped with the painting and all.

Even though I'm tired, I can't seem to go to bed in the afternoon.
Whoa, I cured my own problem and caused so much more.

My papa told me yesterday that I look worst.
With the late-sleeping and everything.
Plus minus of things happening, I think I look okay still.
hee.

Got trouble in school, with WingSze.
Apparently she told me the reason she cried had "nothing to do with me" ..
..
Actually, this was what she sent to me.

"Sorry about today.it must have gave you a shock.don worry cause its nothing to do with u so i ask u to go back class first.its my own thing okay?don worry.bye."

..
Even writing this out gave me a heartache.

WING AH,
people already told me what you were troubling over.
Sooooo many people knew already.
That's why I went over.

I know what's wrong already, it's just that.
Aiyah.
I really don't know what to say.
I really don't know how to reply you, so I didn't.

And the way you message..
aye.

My papa asked me not to worry about this,
and put my studies first.
..

I really hope Mr Ong change my seats to the back of the class.
Individually.
Then I won't trouble anyone anymore.
Fuck.

Fucking hell lah.
Why do I alwasy make people so fucking upset.

I should just go dig a hole and hide there until all my friends forget me.
Then I'll crawl out and be a nobody.

Wait, I am already.
Hee.
-.-

Think Hazel and LiangYing thinks I'm a bitch too.
):
But I really..

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Fuck lah.

My mummy and papa said that Final Destination was lame, and short(1 hr).
I think the reason was they didn't went to watch the 3d version..

LOL.

Still got this, and then that.
First it's him, then it's her.

I'm really not worth anything.
Not worthy of anyone to be hurt because of me.
Fuck lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Mini Me on SMS!

2009-09-02T00:57:00.002+08:00

Look like me?
LOL.
With the bangs and the round face~.
Okayokay.

This is from my AvatarSMS!
A sms software I'm using to send animated smileys!
But now only Sandi can see, cause she's also using!
LOL.

My original character is not this, but I changed!
Originally I created it to look something like Don(walao..), but then I change to this!

The purple specs is abit too much, but mine's purple too!!!
LOL.

Okay got to go!

GOODLUCK ALL WHO'S TAKING EXAM TOMORROW!

T.T
I just got the news this morning that I have prelim's practical exam tomorrow.
LOLOL.
But I didn't study :X
Maybe tomorrow will do last minute memorising!

Goodluckkkkkkkk to you!!!!
EVERYBODY CHIONG!

LOL.

IDK WHAT TIME I'M HAVING EXAM.
T.T

kambateh~

2009-08-31T22:15:00.002+08:00

Curtis!

Goodluck for exams tomorrow :D

KAMBATEH.

---

fucking ~!@#$%^&*
Ahh.
Gg sleep, anything.. <--- LOL idk how to be contacted.

Oh, think by tomorrow will have my 5800 back <33
Like, finally~?!

Okayokay, anything, tomorrow then call/message me.

Goodluck, goodnight, sleep tight!

-.-
don't know who to believe in anymore.
zz.
funny game ah.

Persuasion.

2009-08-30T22:24:00.002+08:00

Spot on.
Everyone was right. ^^

Okay love you all, maybe going to school tomorrow.
Maybe not, but will be meeting you guys if I am!

^^

I.. have absolutely nothing to say.

After thinking through, thinking how I always say others were a fool.
I realized I'm really one myself.
LOL.
hah, such a dumbasssss.

T.T My room is.. bwg-ness.
LOL.
Looks like raspberry instead of mysterious.
Heeeee.
Very digusting.
Seriously.

Conversion :D

2009-08-30T02:25:00.003+08:00

I want:

1. Eat Shaker fries
2. Renew library books
3. Study..
4. FIND A BLOODY NEW PHONE.
5. Watch movie (really want Final Destination T.T)
6. Find the perfect present
7. Pass somebody the something LOL.
8. Compose finish the Aeris' Theme. :D

WALAO EH I GOT PHONE LIKE NO PHONE.
ONLY CAN RECEIVE INCOMING CALL AND CALL OTHERS.
-.-
LIKE, THE WORST PHONE?
LOL.

Today is a sad, sad, sad day.
Plus night.
Plus morning.
Hah.

):
Now somebody with long hair and wearing a "gown" and drinking Apple Juice is sitting beside me..
omg..

Pebbles,.. help.

Dreams,

2009-08-29T12:30:00.003+08:00

dictates truth, or a thought of the mind?

Think it's the truth bah.
hee.

Dreamt that I was at a gathering with my relatives,
and I walked past a couple of relatives,
then I sat down on the floor watching tv, and some of them was sitting on the couch.
They asked,"Feon, you like fatter already hor?"
Another nodded and added," Ya lorh, you see Brenda(my cousin, wayyy skinnier and taller than me but same age T.T)"
Me," Yea.. of course cannot compare to Brenda lah, I know I'm very fat already, no need remind me."

Then I walked into another room, and another person asked me the same question.

..

I guess this is like, a wake-up call.
FEON YOU BLOODY FAT NOW SIA.
-.-

Okayokay.
Really sia.. bth the fat-ness.
Mei lian zian him.
zz.

Boring day I guess.
Maybe heading over to 304 if there's nothing else.
Go there and sniff all the paintings.
-.- abit weird, but who cares.

okay~!
Good news!
Because of urgency to find phone,
I went digging aroung for a spare phone this morning arouns 2 a.m!
Yes, and I was finding until 3, when I finally found one!

Very lousy, don't have bluetooth, 1.3 mp cammy, got cute games!
If can I'll find the phone's picture for you later!
But main thing is, I HAVE A SPARE PHONE.
LOL.

After going round to ask for dk how long.. I finally found one myself.
-.-

81883327!
:D

I feel her, slipping through,

2009-08-29T01:12:00.002+08:00

):

So.. later how?
Want study together? [;

LOL.
You never came back online when I was back to the computer..
So..

I hope you see my blogpost here!
LOL.

I see the sight,
with a different light,
words do not describe the way I'm feeling.
So I've been searching for the things
I thought she said,
for too long.

I really would like to go study with you,
wonder how does that feels like?
^^

eugene is doing belly-dancing next to me..
o.o

Somehow, I'm never moving.

2009-08-28T15:48:00.003+08:00

Never knew how much it really hurts to be lonely.
It's a different kind of feeling, somethings' lost, but you can't explain it.
Days get so boring, things aren't nice to think anymore, works won't get you distracted.
You're just, so lost.
Even when you're with friends, your heart's just so empty.
You laugh because they tell jokes, you talk because they do.
You smile because they're there.
You appreciate, from the bottom of your heart, for what they're doing.
You love them because they are the source of healing.
But then what?
At nights you get lonely, at times you're empty.
You feel vague of what you need to do, and why.
When things are gone, for good, you then really start to remember the nice days.
And all that feels inside your heart is just, "too late to remember, a tad too late to save."
But the irony is, that's all you'll feel like doing, no matter how sad it'll bring you, you still do the same thing you want to do to remember.
You tell yourself, one day I'm sure gonna let go, I'll be in someone else's arms, I'll be walking towards a better future.
But there's nothing to guarantee all those.
Sometimes, you know it's gonna happen, you know the steps to get through, but somehow you just don't want to do it.
You claim that this song represent how you're feeling now, then after awhile you'll listen to another and say the same thing.
There's just a bunch of feelings all mashed up together; so many songs to represent how you feel, but none can really fit your heart.
Try composing a song when you're feeling like this; you can never.
Nothing suits what you're feeling; no words or tunes can express it.
You listen to the song, then You suit it, not the other way round.
After awhile, you'll go " Ohmy it suits me because it's nice and it's like how I'm feeling."
But yet, still, you don't regret what you're trying to do.
You don't regret what you've shared and been through.
You'd rather stay like this, and have the same past.
Why?
No one can give you that answer, becuase nobody really found out.
They just, let go, move on.
They say, "Accept the truth, let it sink it. Then one day you'll wake up to find then it's buried deep enough not to think about it anymore."
Question is, how long?
How will you go through the days, weeks, maybe months or years, before you wake up and learn to start anew?
.

March 7th 2009,

5 months later, I'm still feeling like this?
What the fuck?
No, this so cannot be happening.
Not again. -.-

4shared ^^

2009-08-27T16:13:00.004+08:00

Urrrrrm, I explain here okay?
LOL.

*btw, photos can be clicked to enlarge*

1. Go to http://www.4shared.com/.
Don't have to sign up, just search for the songs you want :D

2. Then the search will come out sth like this.
Click on any title with ".mp3" at the back if you're looking for song!

3. Then it'll pop out a new widow/tab, which you wait for it to load.
Click "Download". LOL.
You can preview the song first, in case it's not the song you want.
If it's not, you can go back to the search page and download other songsss.

4. Wait for it to load finish, then you can click the button over there.

5. It'll have a downloader for you to click~.
IE will have the Downloader, mine's using FF, so it's sth like this.
If you're using Mozilla F.F then will have FF's downloader!

SIMPLE!
WHOO.
Okayokay :D:D

Torn apart,

2009-08-27T11:23:00.002+08:00

never knew what was the right way, even till naooooo.

WALAO EH REALLY PISSED OFF KNOW.
FINAL FANTASY ONLY GOT ONE MOVEI.
):
DAMN.
NOW YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

Who's th Jack in FF?!?!
Sandi told me to look him up.
Say he's better than Cloud.
WHO LAI DE.

I like the red-carpet-cloak guy.
Don't know what his name is..

BTW, while watching the movie, I was watching how Cloud's spiky hair was.
I KNOW HOW TO MAKE THAT HAIR!
MUAHAHAHAH.

Okayokay, abit zz, nobody want to learn anywayyy.

I think afew moments later I'm gonna start being all "literature" again.
-.-

*afew moments later*

Nah, maybe not.

LOL.
Maybe later.

(L), strength. ^^

PRELIMS OVER!

2009-08-26T15:49:00.003+08:00

-which path would gurantee no one gets hurt?

WHOO.
Prelim exam finally over.
^^
Ahh, now the square1 is coming back.
Zzz.

Okay, gonna pump up my boredom with many movies and etc etc.
Cramp up every thing I can think of, then there will be no time left to.. urm.. be bored!
LOL.

When thee sky falters, and thy wind blows,
whye thou shaht cry upon thee hazy darkness.
-taken from JJ.Fortins

Ahh, been thinking alot about that these days.
Sis kept pestering me to tell her, but..
Hahaha, only 1-2 people know, so nope can't do.
People would think I'm really stupid and foolish, but..
Oh well, if I'm doing it, I should hurry cause I think boomboomboom won't believe me.
Actually, the timing is TOOOOOOO coincidental.
Maybe this shows that I shouldn't be urm..
Hah, lit people loss for words.
LOL.
Actually I should just listen to their words.. and not, you know, I don't know.
I know it's for the best!
Hah.

Okayokay.
Gonna go get some rest, rest the darkrings around mah eyes and hopefully when I sleep my hair grow faster!!

! I've been planning to post these photos for awhile now, but because of prelims I didn't.
So this is only afew of those retard photos I have now.
:D

Okay this is a "story" that I took with my bro's webcam when I was still slacking wayyy before prelim exams.
My mummy received this unknown package, which I was SOOO tempted to open it because obviously it was from some blogshops.

Look at the address.
Do I stay there?
Even once?
LOL.
I think it was sent to my mum's friend then passed to my mum.

But still, I was determined to open it.
Curiosity got the better part of me ^^

Still considering whether or not to open.
But after 5-10 minutes later...

I found myself a pair of SCISSORS.
I was looking for those smaller ones because big ones would just give me away when my mum opens the "repackaged" parcel.

BUT AFTER TRYING TO CAREFULLY CUT FOR 15 MINUTES, I POKED TOO MANY OBVIOUS HOLE AND THIS MEGA BIG ONE WAS THE LAST STRAW.
Idk how the hell the person taped it up, but I am certain that she must be making the parcel a "one-time-open" item.
LOL.
Oh well, I taped it back up.

Oh, other random-ee photos I took from the June hols to these last few weeks..

Taken during June hols.
Been trying to make my little hairends spike up, but my wax was only for volume..
So no effect.
AND I MISS MY HAIR.
):

Taken a PROPER photo with Weiwen like, FINALLY.
!!!!
"Study-outing" at BUGIS BK.
Was planning to go study at the N library at Bugis but it was closedddd,
so studied there~!

I saw this photo, and I remembered(again) about LingYue telling me she misses my plastered-nose. ..
LOL.

I really don't like my bangs now.
Oh, for the record, I didn't cut my hair short, just that I tied them loosely at the back.
Was planning to make this dp for the blog, therefore I only have the after-editing photo.
Idk where the hell the other photo was lost.
hehehehehe.

Okay takecare, especially loved ones, bye!
Weather is cold, really is getting irritated by things like headaches, dizziness, nauseous and being super cold at times, shivering like hell.

Life turns out to be one sick ride when you realize what you're in for.

WALAO EH I WANT WATCH FINAL DESTINATION ):
WHY NOBODY LIKE...
And with my bangs, surely the person won't allow me to buy the tix.
Dang.
__

A puppet you own may be yours,
A lifeless body without a soul.
What's there more to cure a heart,
than strings of one loved would pull to dance.
-Puppeteers

FinalFantasy \m/ !!!!

2009-08-24T17:36:00.003+08:00

OKAY new songs added in playlist because FF was GOOOOOOOOD. (Y)
I was already so stunned by the anime characters looking so real;
don't have to say the effects already. LOL!

Anyway, FF VII Advent Children was the 1st FF I've watched, and...
I'M SO GONNA SPEND MY WEEKENDS WATCHING IT.

WEDNESDAY LAST PAPER.
Then it's time for..
Alamak.
Later people angry I really sian.
But nevermind, now must study!

FEON, REMEMBER YOUR GOAL.
YOUR VERY UNREALISTIC GOAL.
-.-
8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8

If anyone can guess this, they \m/ !!
LOL.
Stupid goal, why must it be THAT one.
And the stupid points.
Idiotic.
):
Too bad, I want it so much, I have to try.
Someone taught me, and so.. voila!

LOL.
Okayokay, really need to go study.
Spent like, 3 hours finding and watching FF.

Playlist changed.

2009-08-22T16:47:00.001+08:00

Ah, previous playlist website gone wacko
Couldn't play any single song in there.

So, I changed to this!
Pretty laggy, can't change the size, but at least it's playable.
Can't use imeem's 20sec either, so here it is!

Wanted to put the Nano/iPhone 'cause my songs were orignally videos, but the sizes can't be edited, so changed to a smaller and, urm, squarish one.

Heheee.
-.-

Okay, Oral was good.
Examiner kept nodding, but because I was the last one to be tested for my oral, I think they were hurrying me.
-.-
When I flipped to the picture, I haven't even started, and the examiner goes,
"What do you think the girl is feeling and why?"
Then I just elaborated on that, but I only can say so much because I cannot go out of the question.
Then he asked another then we moved on to Conversation already.
Ahhh.

Okay nevermind, spent time studying these days, but also youtube, tom365 and pipi was (Y).
Heee Sandi knows.

Okayokay, I'm sooo gonna want to stayover someday in Sept.

After prelims... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Still thinking about it.
BWAH.
_|_
LOL.

Okayokay crapping out bye!

Love Story,

2009-08-22T15:41:00.002+08:00

By Dave-Youtube guy.
LOL.
I'm watching his music videos now!!
All sooooo cool!

This video is his own, Love Story by Taylor Swift!

A MUST LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snape's diary,

2009-08-22T12:56:00.001+08:00

LOL GOTTA WATCH THIS.
I was looking for the "archman" (idk how to spell so can't find it) then I came across this series of Potter Puppets.
O.O

Ahahhh!!

2009-08-18T14:24:00.000+08:00

GRATS WEIWEN! GRATS SANDI!

DPA?

2009-08-18T14:12:00.004+08:00

Dear GOH ZHI RUI FEON,

Thank you for participating in the Direct Polytechnic Admission (DPA) exercise. We have received many DPA applications this year, and are heartened to read about your talents and interest in an applied education at the polytechnics.

In order to pick the most deserving DPA applicants, we have been strict in our selection criteria. We looked through all the DPA applications, considered the various portfolios and write-ups submitted by applicants, and interviewed selected applicants to further assess their talents and interests in the polytechnic courses they applied to. For certain polytechnic courses, we also requested applicants to sit for our aptitude tests.

We have given serious consideration to your DPA application.
Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that you have not been selected for placement in one of the polytechnics under the DPA exercise.

Nevertheless, we encourage you to continue pursuing your interest in an applied education at the polytechnics. We have always enjoyed teaching students like yourself who aspire to realise your potential through our polytechnic education. You can apply to our polytechnic courses via the Joint Admission Exercise (JAE) and Joint Polytechnic Special Admission Exercise (JPSAE) conducted after the release of the GCE ‘O’ Level results. More information on these admission exercises can be found on the polytechnics' websites.

We thank you again for your interest, and wish you all the best in your studies.

... Actually what they meant was this..
.
.
.
.

Dear Goh Zhi Rui Feon,

We have many applicants for dPa this year, therefore it's hard to choose. Though we have sincerely gone through your applicant, we concluded that what you wrote was just pieces of shit.

We are pleased tell you to FUCK OFF because we have REJECTED you from interviewing in ANY of the polytechnics.
HAH SUCK IT LOSER.

With regards,
Someone who sent this same reply to the other losers.

HAHAHAHAHA.
Okayokay.
Not pissed, just bored.

I think Sandi got in, cause her pm very happy.
hehehehehe.

Okay!

Youtube?!

2009-08-16T23:11:00.003+08:00

Ohmygod.
My baby photos..
are..
on..
YOUTUBE.

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!?!?!?

MY MUM POSTED THIS "VIDEO" THAT SHE MADE DURING 2006.
OMG.
T.T
I.. was just randoming surfing youtube when I was totally bored and decided to search for my name.
And, THERE, on the search results, was a video of ME.
And my family, of course.
WTHHHHH.

OMG.

And then there's this other one, which i found, also named "feon"
LOl!

Just a quote (:

2009-08-15T09:32:00.005+08:00

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do.
But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

Agreeable.
:D

Wait till prelim's over.
Then it's the holidays!
Okay I'm just kiddin' no one.
hee.

it feels, kinda okay you know.

rather neutral feeling, numb, if you can say.
"Tell me and I'll forget;
i have to try put behind everything for these 2 months,
show me and I may remember;
it's tough, but I need to study! I must!!!!!!! ..
involve me and I'll understand.”
i really want to mugggg. ):
Ah, quite true.

Okay mugging :D
You look absolutely cute, you know that right? >:D
Everyone must mug hard okay!
Last lap :D
Love your hair especially, chio x1b! LOL.

KAMBATEH! you too kay? :D

Wishing,

2009-08-13T17:04:00.003+08:00

School was.. okay today :D
But tiring I guess, hit Wingszes hand by accident when playing floorball. :x
And I realized Shiqi's bruises on her ankles were caused my my whacking during Tuesday's p.e.
o.o
omg.
Hahahas.

Had SRP, emaths, boo~, after school.
): <
Fell asleep, then woke up when SRP was over.
I don't like Ms Chong, she.. don't even have the "looks" of a teacher, moreover when she shouts at us, she just says the wrong thing that makes us more rebellious.
zz.

.
A few days ago, I asked Ivan(ol' friend),
" What more is there, when everything you hold on to is gone?"
He then told me,
" First, there's faith that you can hold on to,"
" then, .., there are your friends that you can always rely on,"
" and finally the ones who sticks with you are your family."

Hahahah,
that's what everyone is telling me.
That's what I used to say.
The irony about how I felt about it then and how it felt now when I was told the same thing.

:D
Okay, life's gotta go on.
but there's nothing more, right?
Just school, just responsibilties, just being there for everyone to see.

All I own now, all I have that belongs to me, are my thoughts.
!!
Not even my body belongs to me; belongs to my parents.
Therefore I'm taking care of it for them.
My thoughts, what I feel, for the past 15 1/2 years, are mine.
I have, absolutely, nothing else.

whoa.
abit sad when I realized that.

Prelims next week!
Must study now, chiong my chemistry.
But.. NOBODY WANT TEACH ME.
):
Wing's off to the tuition which I went before and I think t won't really help me,
sis' always out/in school.
bro... LOL don't need to ask him, he won't even want to bother about me.

Aiyah, just study and then that's it.
The rest.. is just something I really don't know how to handle.

:D

i feel like the most timid girl in in the whole world.
i feel like hiding at home, because i'm always so tired when i'm out.
i feel like sleeping every single day and night, because when i wake up, it's another day of ....
i don't know how to explain lah.

prelim stress ah sorry.

you ah, good morning good afternoon, good evening and goodnight.
msn down, no phone, no mp3(fuck), no com.

should be the last post for this blog until exam's over.

(;

i'm also praying and wishing that it comes true, because you'll be happy then.
:D

Tape it up,

2009-08-13T00:46:00.001+08:00

I'm not hiding, I'm not running away.
.
.

i just dk what to feel alrd.

I wanna be.

2009-08-11T22:29:00.002+08:00

Didn't got the chance to say goodnight to you just now, so I left you offline messages.

(:

I hope you can think it through, and I really really hope you'll give me time to prove.

Goodnight, dream well dreams, sleep tight, take care!!

:D

P.S: and good morning if I can't say it to you later this morning.:X

We run away.

2009-08-10T23:14:00.004+08:00

I'd love to do that.
What are really trying to fight for, anyway?
I hurt you so much, I hurt myself, so much that I would give you my warmest hug and say the more sincere sorry.
But I know, you wouldn't even want to see me again.

I spotted a question in my sister's worksheet:

2. Explain in detail:
--How A felt towards B, and why A felt that way.
--How A reacted towards B and B's feelings and subsequent reaction towards A's response.

3. State the effect of q.2 on the relationship.

Hahah.

There's no more such thing as faith, trust and pixie dust.
There never was.

I know

2009-08-10T00:39:00.003+08:00

I will falter ,
I know I will cry.

Okay enough about th bullshitszxzsxz.
Nothing helps anyway.

Okay.

I swear my blog is going to die soon.
Sonner or later I'm gonna die too.

lol.

Okay not funny.
Very tired.
Seriously, i don't think we know what we're fighting for anymore.

.
.
.
I'm gonna send th pictures to everyone then ask them to blog about it.
hahahahs.
okokay.

goodnight, sweet dreams, sleep well please.

i.
still.
..
hahahaha.

Antibiotics

2009-08-07T23:18:00.003+08:00

Worked, like,..

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Okay I'm gonna talk about today's celebration ++ whatever I'm missing out in this blog.
Rather dead now cause I'll not rather post some things that everyone will worry for me again!

Whooooo!!

HAHAHHA.
I was rather traumatized by a sudden something,
then I told my brother.
Guess what?

He threw me the packet of Tramadol he had the day before.
And guess what it's for?
"Pain."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

LOLOL.
Okayokay very retarded, but he didn't know I bounced off to the kitchen to try one.

I don't think the pill have side effects, but I think I'm just crazy now.

LOL.
I don't know, don't ask me.

Okay la, gonna stop the "siao-ness" that Sandi's bearing now, and gonna get some slumbers.

Chill, yoh!

Laughter's my best partner in life.
For then, noe, and ever.

^^

HAZELLLLLL LOW

2009-08-07T00:10:00.002+08:00

AWWWWWWW HAZEL I SAW YOUR BLOGPOST.

YOU ARE THEE SWEETEST MANGO FRUIT PLUS I'VE MET.
LOL!

Nonono, seriously I'm touched!
^^
I really appreciated those words you wrote and typed for me, but I'm okay :D:D
You and I know it all takes time, but yeaa, it'll be better I hope. ^^
Life still gotta go on, so why not make it a better place to be in?
:D

I know both of us don't want to be sad anymore, so both of us will try to make life easier for us both.

It's tiring to keep it all in, but it's more worst to see my friends sad over me!
So we must all smile, and make everyone living in a happy place!
Okay hazel!

But I'll have to admit, she's very cute!
We're not really that close in some cases, but still we gossip like nobody's buisness LOL!
But I'm really stunned that she said those things!

Thank you hazel low chwee phengggggggggg!!
See I spelled the correct han yu pin yin like, finally?
LOL!!!!!!

<333333333 YOU!

P.S: I STILL LOVE MY FKKKKG NO MATTER <3

RAWR.

2009-08-03T22:30:00.004+08:00

YES AHHHHHHHHHH.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Grats grats grats!!!!!

ALL THE BEST KNOW :D :D
TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

LOVE YOU GYM.

I will pray pray pray pray prayyyyyy that ^^ will be the one! :D

take careeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

902041

2009-08-01T03:36:00.000+08:00

It’s about bits of things that makes him excited and touches him deep down in his heart.

Two.

2009-07-29T18:24:00.001+08:00

"Things doesn't goes as smooth as i tot, it could be.
They just gotten worst.
Some things that has been mentioned were what i really felt it was,
but nothing was done to make it better.
Maybe its kinda late for such conversation,
but i think that's really how i felt and wanted all this while

Why every words of mines to you,
they were just words that i meant to hurt you..
Why didn't you realized actually those words were coming from deep down inside.
I already spoken but whats the use..
its all just too late.
Nothing can change a person's personality, i guess.I finally see it..
So what if it has been so long.
So what, if nothing I said can be right,
I just said it like how I felt it but why things doesn't goes like the way I wanted.
Why it always ended up in tears,
Is there no other way that I can pass my message to you clearly that
they were not words to hurt you."

Sisters, indeed?
Haahs, we'll be strong tgt! :D
[edited] She's so much better already.

I just posted this out here because.....
Haaah idk why kay bye night study later but already very tired knn okay bye!

One.

2009-07-27T22:14:00.002+08:00

PEOPLE PEOPLE.
Things are rather strange these days.
All the people I care seems to have problems.
):

I really don't wish to stand by t do nothing, but I don't know what can I do to help.
I cannot make them feel better, and I feel really really useless.
For everyone's problems.
):

P.S:
Psssst, you-know-who.
My blog password and email haven't change know.
If you can remember, I salute you.

LOL.

This is, the end.

2009-07-25T23:39:00.005+08:00

SO IN THE END..

YOU STILL DON'T WANT TO GIVE ME YOUR ANSWER.

OKAY, THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT, THAT'S THE WAY YOU GET.

(while reading, if you happen to be hearing my song, forget the title.)
(Listen to the lyrics.)

I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING? LOL.
Actually there are things you know you keep repeating,
that are SUPER DUPER SIMPLE PROBLEMS,
and those are mistake YOU NEVER REALIZED.

First thing first, I will never get myself to HATE you,
I will NEVER regret taking the first step to try to befriend you.

BECAUSE.
I'VE.
TRIED.

^^

I must say,
even though I'll never get to know my mistaakes cause some people
keep beating about the bush and
JUST DON'T WANT TO TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG,
I still must live on, right?

You kept saying YOU'RE TIRED, why can't you stop it then?
Stop saying you're tired to try, AND DO SOMETHING TO STOP IT.
JUST TELL ME WHERE I DID WRONG, WHY ARE YOU ANGRY, AND THEN,
FREAKING
GET
IT
OFF
YOUR
MIND.

You said I was wrong, I doubt that.
I tried to inititate, tried to did what I thought was wrong.
OBVIOUSLY, I was wrong, causeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
WHY?
Someone didn't tell me?
SO now how?

TOO BAD I GUESS.

Let me repeat again,
I WON'T HATE YOU.

It's just that its time to let you know,
that I finally realized I've been crying for TRYING TO MAKE IT OKAY FOR US.

I only need an answer, yes/no.
Then YOU have to say things that YOU ARE REPEATING, claiming that what YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY IS SOMETHING THAT I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.
AND YOU.DON'T.TELL.ME.WHAT'S.WRONG.

There's only the TWO of us in this situation.
If you don't tell me, WHO CAN.

..

Sorry, but it's time.
I will miss you, as always, but.
I guess ... this is goodbye.
You don't have to reply my irritating messages anymore.
You'll never have to make me understand how tired you are, how wrong I am anymore.
I know, "finally", right?

You have my email, anytime you need someone, I can be there.
I really hope you can find that someone who understands you, and truly be there for you.
I know it'll never be me, so I wish you all the best.

Thank you, for everything you've been to me.
A very very, very special guy that I really liked alot.
Talk about star-crossed, huh?

For the final time,
I really loved you.

I always have, and always will, miss you.

P.S: I never regretted any single thing I did for you.
I never regretted us.
In fact, I loved and will treasure every single moment of it.

Goodluck, and take care, Curtis.

Sigining out,
Rui.

Faith

2009-07-25T19:00:00.002+08:00

You know,
I was really really afraid,
afraid that I would get heartbroken again.
I didn't have the courage to even add you in msn, but
They all say I would regret again, so I took the first step.
I really want to be your friend again, I had to try.

If you're scared of the same thing happening to us again,
I am too, but I can't predict the future,
I cannot say what's going to happen is going to be the same.
So can you give us one final chance to see if we can work it out?
I have mistakes that you could make right again.

CURTIS!!
I DID WHAT I MOST FEARED, to talk to you again :X
But I did!
And thank god you replied me, if not I would be devastated again..

All and all,
I just need your answer.

Do you want to be my friend again?
Can I be yours?

One true, true answer.
Please.

Chance.

2009-07-25T12:59:00.004+08:00

Curtis,
I need your answer, not a feedback.
But before everything, this is what I have to say.

1. Now you tell me
Seeing you like this, down and hurt so badly,
when you have been so kept together.
What's this?
All this time I thought you didn't need me,
you were nonchalant, strong, and unaffected
and you never wanted me to be there.
I never saw your heart, that's how close you kept it
So right now I'm so unsure how to care.
Still, I do care even when we're so damn far apart.

2. Faith
Have A Little Faith,
Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.
And it takes so much to be brave.
And when you fall the hardest,
You find how strong you are.
Close your eyes,
Rest awhile.
& when you're done, everything's gonna be better, okay?

3. Cure
I know you might feel shattered,
But I can be your shelter,
when the wind starts blowin'.
So don't be afraid
of what's in front of you.
Let me be there for you, let me be your friend.

4. Let it Rain
Every little tear
I was scared to cry,
everything I feared but I kept inside,
I don’t wanna hold it back one more day.
Clear my head,
from all the cluttered things
I should've said.
Every tiny thought clouding up my head,
every single word that I never said.
Clear it out, can we?

5. Dont let it go to your head
So what if I came clean
and told you all you mean to me?
So what if i meant every word I said?
Just cause I cant go on,
just cause I die when you're gone,
and just cause I think of you in bed,
don't let it go to your head.
If you decide that after the last email, this is goodbye, never let me affect you anymore, alright?

I think that I should tell you how I feel.
Even after so many months of not talking,
I do still care.
I still miss you.
But all I can do is see whether you're doing okay on my computer.
I always thought you would be pissed off if I angered you again.
But,
Words never suffice; they can never be proven to be the truth.
But that's really all I have now.
That's everything I can give.
I want to be your friend, again.
Can we?
.
.
.
.
.
.
O, heart, I'm not sure it's been long enough
To say that what I feel is really love
There's just one way to learn, sometimes we'll get hurt
And right now it's our turn

And I'm down to our final chapter.
What will it be, curtis?
Can you give us another try, or will this end?

2009-07-21T00:32:00.003+08:00

I realized my latest post (before this) was rather stupid..

Oh well.
What more can you expect from a person who's feeling all so... up now?

damnnnnnnnnnnnn. :x

2009-07-21T00:13:00.005+08:00

It’s too late now, still I’ve got something to say…
Girl I’m sorry that I treated you that way
Time has gone now, and the moment has passed…
When I had the chance to try and make us last
All alone now, and it’s no one’s fault by mine…
Couldn’t see the truth, I had those blinded eyes
You have moved on, still I don’t give a damn…
Gotta get this off my chest while I can

Every single hour,
Of every single day, I
Miss you more and more,
Don’t know what to say, I
Know I closed the door,
You’re gone and on your way

Wanna take it back to the day when we first met,
If I could, I’d start all over again…

Should have known then, what I know now…
Dying every second that you’re not around
Should have been there, when you needed me…
Now I’m by myself.
Should have loved you, while I had the chance to…
Couldn’t realize that you were the truth
Should have shown you, what you meant to me…

[edited ]

..so what now.
..so?
nothing helps now.
duh.
!@#$%^&*

Nice song by Blanky.
:D
Was on other people's blog when I heard this.

I KNOW IT'S NOT..
It's not the one I'm expecting.
The timing clashed.
There's no way.. ..
Who's playing this game with me. ):
Don't throw me up high then walk away.

.
.
.
.
LOL.
IDK WHAT TO WRITE HERE.
LOL.
Okay.

Poketful of regrets.

2009-07-19T11:21:00.002+08:00

I AM SORRY SANDI TAN. ):
I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. ):
SORRY CAN;T HELP ANYTHING BUT STILL, I'M VERY VERY SORRY.
):
I REALLY REALLY AM SORRY. ):

I AM SORRY SANDI TAN. ):
I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. ):
SORRY CAN;T HELP ANYTHING BUT STILL, I'M VERY VERY SORRY.
):
I REALLY REALLY AM SORRY. ):

I AM SORRY SANDI TAN. ):
I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. ):
SORRY CAN;T HELP ANYTHING BUT STILL, I'M VERY VERY SORRY.
):
I REALLY REALLY AM SORRY. ):

I AM SORRY SANDI TAN. ):
I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. ):
SORRY CAN;T HELP ANYTHING BUT STILL, I'M VERY VERY SORRY.
):
I REALLY REALLY AM SORRY. ):

I AM SORRY SANDI TAN. ):
I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. ):
SORRY CAN;T HELP ANYTHING BUT STILL, I'M VERY VERY SORRY.
):
I REALLY REALLY AM SORRY. ):

I AM SORRY SANDI TAN. ):
I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. ):
SORRY CAN;T HELP ANYTHING BUT STILL, I'M VERY VERY SORRY.
):
I REALLY REALLY AM SORRY. ):

I AM SORRY SANDI TAN. ):
I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. ):
SORRY CAN;T HELP ANYTHING BUT STILL, I'M VERY VERY SORRY.
):
I REALLY REALLY AM SORRY. ):

I AM SORRY SANDI TAN. ):
I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY. ):
SORRY CAN;T HELP ANYTHING BUT STILL, I'M VERY VERY SORRY.
):
I REALLY REALLY AM SORRY. ):

Boy, what happened.

2009-07-19T00:27:00.005+08:00

Heart-wenching.
I feel like a fucking admirer.
I feel fucking useles.s
I'm effing speechless.
I have nothing to say to make this all feel fucking better.

No this cannot happen.
):
This is not the way it's supposed to be.

I know this is not supposed to be here anymore.
But I don't think I'm restricted over here.
I know I'm fucking weak for feeling the same over and over again.
I thought it's finally going to be all right because I thought everyone's fine.

Everyone.
But not one.

I know you don't want me to be 'there' for you, but I still am.
Until the time I can walk away, I'll still be there.
I know no matter how longgg I hold on, you will never find back the tiny bit of interest you had already.
But I still am, holding on.

You said to me once,"再找新的lor."
Remember?
Kinda funny when I just remembered it today white chatting with my dearest Ahnehneh, but also, it made sense.
Life, must go on on, I guess.

I know you don't want my company anymore,
always saying that I'll never get what you mean,
never really understand what you truly need,
what I actually should do to get you back.
But I guess,
until that sinks in,
deep, into my heart,

I'll like you still.

Just a small reminder that not everyone's away.
:X
Fucking thought keeps popping out: He doesn't needs you, he don't want you near.
Yeayea I know, I just..

Alah, forget it.

Now I feel bad to everyone.
):
I want to shout out to the people I care for, and say I'm sorry for everything I've caused, and hope someday everything will be back as it used to be.
Happy, relaxed, carefree.

I just can't help but wonder,
will you think I have a fat, round face too?

(sorry for the vulgar-ness.)

I feel so damn small, insignificant, worthless,
and much more useless when you seem so down.

Knowing that what you need is more than empty assurance,
I still sit behind this computer cowardly,
typing empty promises that I know you won't even bother to see.

feel so..fucking childish.